While Aristotle’s theory provides us with a framework to understand the ideal friendship, it also reveals that perfect friendships are exceedingly rare in real life. In this article, we will explore Aristotle's philosophical perspective on perfect friendships, break down the key characteristics that define them, and discuss the challenges involved in achieving such a bond. Most importantly, we will delve into the profound insights that perfect friendships offer into human flourishing and personal growth.
Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics offers a deep exploration of friendship. According to him, friendship is an essential component of a good and virtuous life. However, not all friendships are equal. He categorized friendships into three types based on the motives behind them:
Perfect friendships, according to Aristotle, are the most rewarding and enduring, but they also demand the most from those involved. These relationships are not driven by external benefits or fleeting pleasure, but by a profound mutual respect for each other’s character and a deep commitment to helping one another grow morally and intellectually.
The first key characteristic of perfect friendships is mutual respect and appreciation for each other’s virtues. Aristotle believed that perfect friends admire each other’s moral qualities and strive to live virtuously together. This admiration is not superficial; it is a deep, mutual recognition of the good qualities in each other—qualities such as kindness, honesty, integrity, and courage.
In perfect friendships, each person is a mirror for the other, reflecting back the values they hold dear. There is no need for constant validation or external praise; the friendship is self-sustaining because it is based on mutual admiration for what is truly good in each person.
Unlike friendships of utility or pleasure, where the focus is often on personal gain or enjoyment, perfect friendships are founded on selflessness. Each individual in the relationship wishes the best for the other person, not for any personal benefit, but because they care about the other’s well-being and growth.
In perfect friendships, there is an absence of selfish motives. The well-being of the other person is valued "for their own sake." This form of selflessness is what separates a true friendship from other types of relationships that may be more transactional in nature.
Perfect friendships are not forged overnight. They require significant time, effort, and shared experiences to develop. Aristotle noted that friendships based on virtue take time to grow because they are rooted in a deep understanding of each other’s character.
Shared experiences, whether positive or challenging, are vital in the formation of perfect friendships. Through these experiences, individuals gain insight into each other’s values, thoughts, and emotions, which strengthens their bond and deepens their connection. The history that a friendship accumulates over time is essential in solidifying the trust and loyalty that make it perfect.
Aristotle’s distinction between the different types of friendships is crucial in understanding what makes a friendship "perfect." A friendship based on love, as Aristotle describes it, is one where both individuals are aligned in their values and genuinely care for each other. There is no expectation of gain or pleasure, only the desire for the other to flourish.
Perfect friendships are not about what the other person can do for you, but about who they are as a person. This means that even in times of hardship, a perfect friend is someone you support because of your genuine care for them, rather than because they offer you something in return.
In perfect friendships, emotional and intellectual compatibility plays a significant role. There is an effortless connection between the two individuals, who find joy in each other’s company, not because of the activities they do together, but because of the deep understanding and alignment of their thoughts and emotions.
This compatibility fosters a bond that transcends external circumstances, and it enables the individuals involved to help each other grow in ways that other types of friendships cannot.
As Aristotle suggested, perfect friendships require significant time to develop. The idea of cultivating a deep, lasting bond that is based on virtue and mutual respect is not a quick process. It requires patience and a willingness to invest emotionally in another person’s life.
In today’s fast-paced world, where people often move around or experience fleeting relationships, the challenge of investing enough time to cultivate a perfect friendship can be daunting. However, those who are fortunate enough to develop such friendships find that the effort is more than worth it.
Achieving a perfect friendship also requires a deep mutual understanding between both individuals. This understanding is not simply about knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, but about understanding each other’s values, beliefs, and motivations on a much deeper level.
Such deep comprehension doesn’t come easily. It requires vulnerability, open communication, and a willingness to grow together. Not everyone is ready or able to engage in this kind of introspective relationship, which makes perfect friendships rare.
Aristotle acknowledged that perfect friendships are difficult to find and even harder to maintain. Most people, he believed, would only experience a few such relationships in their lifetime, if any at all. This is due to the sheer rarity of individuals who meet the criteria of virtue and emotional compatibility in the way that perfect friends do.
Perfect friendships are unique in that they are not transactional. In a world where many relationships are built on what one can gain from the other—whether it’s support, resources, or companionship—a perfect friendship stands apart by focusing purely on the character of the other person.
This makes perfect friendships extraordinarily fulfilling, as they are grounded in authentic admiration and deep personal connection rather than external benefits.
One of the most profound aspects of perfect friendships is the role they play in helping both individuals grow as people. In a perfect friendship, both people support each other’s virtuous development. This shared growth strengthens the relationship, creating a bond that becomes more rewarding and meaningful over time.
Friendships of utility are based on the benefits each person receives from the relationship. For example, coworkers may form friendships because they rely on each other for work-related tasks or opportunities. While these friendships can be valuable, they do not possess the depth and moral grounding of perfect friendships.
Friendships of pleasure are rooted in shared activities or interests, such as hobbies, sports, or entertainment. Though enjoyable, these friendships are often temporary and can fade once the shared pleasure ends. Perfect friendships, by contrast, endure beyond specific activities, grounded in a more lasting bond of mutual respect and shared values.
Aristotle believed that it is impossible to maintain perfect friendships with many people simultaneously. Since perfect friendships are based on deep emotional and intellectual connections, it is difficult to cultivate and nurture such relationships with a large number of people. The time, attention, and emotional energy required to maintain such a bond make it rare to have multiple perfect friends at once.
Perfect friendships are critical to personal flourishing—Aristotle’s concept of eudaimonia, or living a life of virtue and fulfillment. Through perfect friendships, individuals experience growth, support, and encouragement on their journey to becoming the best version of themselves.
These relationships encourage individuals to strive for greater moral excellence and intellectual growth, making perfect friendships one of the most rewarding and transformative aspects of the human experience.
Despite the challenges and rarity of perfect friendships, they are worth the effort. A perfect friend provides not only companionship but also emotional and intellectual support, fostering growth in ways that few other relationships can. Through perfect friendships, individuals experience the highest form of human connection—a bond that is based on love, respect, and mutual flourishing.
Perfect friendships, as Aristotle described them, represent the highest ideal in human relationships. They are rare, difficult to achieve, and require significant investment, but they offer a depth of connection that few other relationships can match. At their core, perfect friendships are about valuing the other person for who they truly are and supporting their growth and flourishing in every way possible. While perfect friendships may be challenging to find, they offer a unique and profound fulfillment that makes them worth striving for.
